PROBLEM.

So, this is my current problem.

I Always Like The People Who:

• Live too far away from me
• Won’t ever like me back
• Are impossible
• Aren’t interested in anything
• Don’t even notice me
• All of the above.

Pathetic? Yes.... fml

The real star of my life.

Dear my love,

All those years when you carried me through every hurdle I faced. For the times, you stood by me and made me a stronger person, I wish to salute you on this beautiful day. What sadden me, is that no matter what I do, I can never thank you enough. You are my true Super-angel! Remember by the time I feel really heartbroken with all those #$ye@#$A238(&nV6&B? You the one who always be by my side to calm me down. Thanks so much, and now I really really really learnt from that. Oh btw, I've ady got a new crush tho! hehehehehe Anyways, thanks again for EVERYTHING! Wish you a very warm and Happy Birthday. May Allah pour all the love and warmth on you. You will always be the best! I LOVE YOU MALAIKAT DUNIA! :)

Sincerely,

Your forever little girl.

The apple of my eye.

To the most important queen of my heart,

I never thank you enough for listening to me. I never thank you enough for protecting me from the things I shudnt do. I never thank you enough for guiding me in the right direction. I never thank you enough for putting up with my mood swings and arrogance. I never thank you enough for without a doubt being there for me. I never tell you enough how much I love you mama. You mean the world to me, but I dont tell you enough. No matter what, I always will love you, no matter how much we argue or how much you anger me, Ill love you till the day I die. SWEAR.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MY MALAIKAT DUNIA!

Story of my life.

Helo readers! Saya sedang sibuk (ter-amatsangat!) tapi saya cuba meng-update blog dan meluahkan segala yang terbuku dihati. Ehem! Ceritanya bermula macamni....

Okay kejap, have you ever experienced this scenario, one individual (I mean so close to you) disappears suddenly with no apparent reason? Have you? Sedih tak? Rasa macam nak terjun KLCC tak? Astahgfirullahalzim tsk tsk tsk

So here the story begins jeng jeng jeng.... Someone leaves me suddenly with NO explanation. It's more difficult to accept the fact that you dont even know the reasons why. KEJAM TAK? Leave me with a feeling of being used. :( Then what did the "stupid" me do? Yeap, I call him continuously until I get an answer tapi he rejected my call! Send endless text messages eventho it remains unanswered. Even worst, when there's no response, it leads to an increased feeling of panic that I've been deserted. Pathetic?

I come to think that... when somebody disappears with no response its not a good sign actually. Besides, its indeed hurtful. Deleting every trace of the person is sometimes the best thing to do, though its painful. And then..... there comes a time when I think of this, "WHAT KIND OF PERSON COMES INTO YOUR LIFE, TAKES YOU ON A GALACTICA BATTLESTAR RIDE THAT ONE DAMN SCARY ROLLER COASTER IN UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, THEN DISAPPEARS?" (exaggerate much I know) Theres something wrong with that picture kan? In fact, it leaves you with a sense of complete rejection. Dont you? Sometimes those who disconnect are never heard from again. And after all those bullshit they left or maybe bored with their life without us, they reappear. Bongok. So with the help of my beloved girlfriends, they told me not to let that bullshit back in again to prevent the pattern from repeating. Left feeling empty and betrayed again. So yeah, I must be strong this time! Hoyeah! Unless, of course there was a legitimate, true reason for the "disappearing act", though I cant think of many legitimate excuses. Dont you? *sarcastic look*

So readers, can you guess why the heck this scenario happened? For me myself, I think thats all because he wanted to start seeing somebody else. Nahhh I cant think of any other reasons. But the thing here is, why not just be HONEST?! Cowardly cowardly custard, you cant eat mustard! hahahahahahahahah

Hmmmm.... Ill never understand why some ppl think that disappearing is the best course of action when you want out of a relationship. It could save a lot of hurt for the other involved if there was open communication. Sure, it hurts to lose somebody, but its much easier when you're not left HANGING. Not knowing WHY. The end result is a casual brush-off that is demoralizing, to say the least. Especially if you shared many private things.... things you believed were special with the two of you. Then a casual "OH NEVERMIND...." disappearing act! Unfortunately, actions speak louder than words. Sadly, many ppl we care for disappoint us in the most demeaning manner. It makes us wonder all sorts of theories kan kan kannn? Were they lying all along? What was the true motive? What happened in their life to cause such a sudden change? Why did he leave? And many more....... This is a story of my life.

Sedih tak? Tak? Ok foineeeeeeeee. I better off. Grammatical Analysis is waiting for me. Goooooodnight!

2012

Hey everyone. Well, I know it is kinda late to wish ya Happy New Year since its already January 13th. But... Happy New Year anyways. I dont have time to post anything here due to my busy-ness. hee hee hee As I wrote this, Im still struggling getting back into studying fr my last paper (Revelation as Source of Knowledge) which is tomorrow and pack my stuff up to balik kampung fr semester break which also tomorrow. phew!

2011 was honestly the worst year for me. I know people say that all the time, but I really mean it. Out of every year I've been alive, 2011 has been the least nice. :( It is not like I have regrets or whatever, but yknow...

Many things happened in 2011. I know I shall not be regret since semua tu ways of learning kan? But... the worst part I remember is when my ex (the one whom I think is my first real love) left me heart broken and it took me so long to get up and move on. Im still pretty damaged from it, but Im getting better tho. Its like that song "the first cut is the deepest". Thanks to everyone who always be by my side during my tough days. I do experienced heart broken before, but puppy love yknow? it doesnt matter to me. heh. And yes, this one is horrible, really! It was like one of the most traumatic thing I've gone through. Sampai satu tahap kadang kadang macam terfikir, "Apehal semua orang penipu niiii?! Dah, Im so done with all these bullsh*t."

But then again, life goes on rite? It is better to look ahead and prepare for the next than to look back and regret. :) hmm.. things have just been extremely tough. I hope 2012 brings me happiness and smiles that will make up this past year. InsyaAllah Aminnn..

As I am getting older hahaha 21 is not that old I know, this is something I need you dear future husband to know,

Dear soon-to-be-Imam-for-our-family, eventho I dont know who you'll be yet, I think of you EVERYDAY. InsyaAllah, I'll try my best to be ur Khadijah and I hope, U'll be my Muhammad. :')

till then.

Another year younger! ;)

So here we go, I TURN 20 TODAYYYY! EVERYBODY LISTENNNN TO MOIIIIIII IM TURNING TWENTYYYYYYY! :D To make thing short, I feel so old and so young today! Old because no more -teen for me and young because I BARU TWENTEEN OKAYYY NOT 21, 22, 23 AND BLABLABLABLA ;p

I've received sooo many facebook, twitter, calls, smses birthday messages that I decided to just give everyone a big thank you on here. So, thank youuu lovelies! It's been an emotional week fr me I guess, and having another birthday just added to it. phew! :'(

I know I know Im kind of emotional today which supposed-TO-BE-NOT lah kan since today is my DAY and semorang were like "Hey bday girl jangan la nak sedih sangattttt! Chill!." Tapi yeah, I sedeyyyyy lah wey that person yang I harap sangat jadi orang 1st wish my bday or else do something special fr me-day turns out do nothing! Okay my baddddd I yang letak hope tu tinggi melangit so now padan muka lah! boooo me boooooo. hmm :(

But then nevermind lah, it really made my day a lot brighter to see kind words, heartfelt comments, phone calls and birthday wishes from old friends and colleagues that in some cases din wait until 12:01AM on August 14 to start sending good vibes my way! :) Terharu gila okayyyy :') See, rupanya ramai lagi sayang yang I. *HUGS*

I think that's all. I just wanted to post a quick note thanking everyone je actually not that longggg and boringgg babbling. heh~ Thanks again for taking the time out of your busy schedules and web surfing to brighten up my birthday. You guys are soooooo sweet! :')

And again, thanks mate for making me feel like a princess on my birthday! Frankly speaking, the feeling is wonderful! :')

Much love. XOXO

p/s: Kalau nak bagi hadiah, you are most welcome then! hewhehwhewhehwe

#Factsaboutme

Here we go! As I've soooooooooo many time to kill, I decide to list down some random facts about me. DAAAAAAAA NOBODY CARESSSSSSSSS! *jerit kat telinga sendiri* Eh takpa takpa kami tak suro u ols ambik kesah ponnn boooooooooo. Anys stop being annoying please *monolog dalaman*

# Takut kucing TERSANGAT. To be truth, I tak pernah sentuh kucing sebab takut. Takut yang macam bila kucing tuu mai dekat mesti jerit macam orang histeria and pernah one day, kucing jiran masuk dalam rumah pastu sebab takut and tak sempat nak ready dengan kayu golf, I lompat naik atas meja makan duduk 5 jam atas tuuu along with nangis macam orang kematian suami sampai mama balik. Nasib baik meja makan tu made from kayu Jati so boleh la menampung berat ikan paus nih. kikikikiki #Truestory

# Mempunyai perut yang antibody-nya lemah. Eh? Macam pelik pulak ayat tuuu. I've to say NO to spicy foods whatsoever. Sikitttt pon tak boleh sebab gastric yang berada pada paras bahaya. Sampai my previous akak akak roomate panggil I baby sebab baru pedas sikit dah nangis nangis tsk tsk tsk. So lepasnih sapa nak ajak pi KFC ke apa tak payah tanya lagi nak spicy ke original okay.

#No one knows where the heck is my house. I mean kawan kawan yang baru kenal or yang I tak pernah jumpak or whatever lah. hihihihi mysterious much kan? I will never tell the exact direction blablablabla to my house :D hahahaaha pelik kan? Oh wait, except for this new friend. Siap mai rumah ambik pergi movie-ing lagi. teheeeeee~ Tu special case lah. Tak pernah kenal langsung before. The day he come and fetch me tu baru berkenal kenalan. Eh how come macamtu pulak? Haaaaa ada lewww :p hewhewhehwhewhe

# Ratu air mata. Haaaa nih gelaran mama bagi masa kecik kecik dulu. teheeeeee. Bila dah semakin besar nih I dah jarang nangis. I mean depan orang. I prefer nangis dalam toilet bawah shower yang mencurah curah tuu perghhhh nanti effect dia lagi best pastu semua orang ketuk pintu toilet tuu sebab ingatkan pengsan ke apa dalam toilet sampai 5 jam mandi. hewhehwhewhehwe Even bebenda kecik pon I akan nangis. Haih. Ekhem pompuan kan hati tisu. teheeeeee

# I loveeeeeee kids and they love me tooooooo! Eh yeke? :p Bila dengan bebudak kecik nih macam semua probs hilang. Bila u ols gaduh dengan boiprenggg/ girlprenggg ke apa kan *dah takdak example lain ke? huuuu*, u try pergi cari bebudak kecik nih pastu gigit pipi diorang yang macam fluffy sangat tuuu confirmmmm lega lepastu. hikhikhikhik I can't wait to have my very own kids! Kemain sapa nak kawin dengan u? *bisik kat telinga sendiri*

# Craze for technology and gadgets. I prefer bebenda nih semua rather than shoes, handbags whatsoever. Tapi I don't have that much money nak beli sesemua tuuuuuuuuuu! tsk tsk tsk. Setakat sekali dua boleh lah nak buat muka kesian nak mintak abah belikan, tapi dengan dunia yang semakin canggih nih hari hari pon ada new gadgets semakin hari semakin banyak mati lah nak mintak selalu :( Birthday I yang semakin hampir nih takdak ke sesapa nak hadiahkan iPad2 16gb wifi? Tu jeeee wishlist sekarang pweeeatyyy pweaseeeee *puppy eyes*

# I LOVE FOODSSSSSSSSSS. I now understand the joy of a foodgasm :D kthanksbye~

# Passionate about photography. I have never received any formal training in this area and cannot and will not profess to being anything more than an amateur. But I certainly enjoy spending time w/ my DSLR and learn a new technique everyday. Rasa macam puas and hebat and blablabla bila dh achieve new technique tuu :) Whenever I saw a friend of mine and her boyf pergi snip snap pic together pastu argue each other on who's the best yada yada yada I rasa macam awhhhhhh so sweet! Nak macamtuuuuu jugakkk. teheeeeee So dear future husband, awak pon kena passionate dengan photography jugak eyy? :D

# I love cars. Really. Little slotcars, RC cars. Whatever u name it. Rasanya minat nih datangnya turun temurun kot (?) I pernah bercita cita nak jadi drifter but mama will never allow me! Heheheheeheheheh we'll see macam mana nanti. DEGIL! :p

# Easy to know, hard to understand. That's me. U will never find the truth about me. Eh?

Banyak lagi sebenarnya nih. Tapi I'll update later kay? I've to go solat and get readyyyyy depan tv for MA-RI-MARRRRRR :p

Chiow pretty peep!