Saturday, August 11, 2012
Hello there! Hows your puasa so far? Time flies real fast when we’re in the middle of something good and great. Whew cant believe this! Holy month of Ramadhan will be leaving us in a short while. And this is actually our final weekend before Raya. Wait....... Isit for real? *tepuk pipi* I know it’s gonna be pretty packed and a busy one for us kan? Dont be rush, take your time and have a KitKat. Hehe
Anyways, the reason why I decided to write this post is because I wud like to make things clear about everything which had happened to me. Plus, nak isi masa lapang. Hehe.
Okay , I received like a lot of SMSes, tweets, calls and whatnot from ppl around me asking what is actually happened kan. Thanks for your concern btw. Time tu I dont feel like nak cerita and I decided to tell the one which I am close to je. And now here I am, dah ready nak cerita. And after this, promise me, dont you dare to ask me any single thing about this secara sengaja mahupun tak sengaja. And if you do....... siap la! Hehe jk.
I ended my June 2012 very badly with heart broke into pieces over the news that the person I was in love with head over heels, engaged with someone else. It was really bad that it changed me to the worst person I could be. I cry cry cry like there’s no tomorrow. Even worst, I know that news pon from his abang and not from he, himself. *Imagine being me at that time*
I felt devastated, betrayed, hopeless, depressed and all the negativity feelings in the world combined together. I stopped believe in love. And life. I forgot the purpose why I was brought into the life. I was angry with myself, everyone and God. I thought of suicidal most of the time. Bodohnya saya.... jadi hamba kepada cinta yang tak kekal. Thank God when I think about my family, my mum and dad, it kept me sane.
Along the way, I met many kind of guys. The good and the worst. None of the relationship means anything to me. Anymore. Please dont pin high hopes on me. I dont want to dissapoint anyone at this moment. To those people who I've hurt, I am deeply sorry. Din mean to reject or whatever tapi saat ini, biarlah hati ni bebetul diisi dengan pemilik tulang rusuk ni. Bak kata Dr.Anwar, “Bila buku cinta tulisanNya sampai pada episod yang direncanakan untuk membina masjid dengan bidadara dunia, InsyaALLAH.” To lelaki paling jahat pernah saya jumpa I wish you will get burnt in hell because you deserve it. You know you deserve it! Hah ambek kau! Iolss dah start emosi.
Maka bermulalah episod baru dalam hidupku. And ppl around me start questioning this and that. I remain silence for a while. I spent most of the time with myself to heal this heartbroken. And now almost 75% healed. Alhamdulillah. Thats when I rise. And rise. The lamb transformed into lion. (quote from Robin Hood) :)
I started to accept the fact that Im not destined to be with him. I thank Allah for letting me to meet him. No, it’s not that I’m not over him but I just want to thank him for the lesson he taught me. And now, I manage to find back the serenity. Unknown future husband, saya tunggu awak. Semoga Allah lindungi awak tak kira kat mana pon awak. Tunggu nanti Allah temukan kita k?
A friend of mine once told me this, “Apabila kita redha pada sesuatu yang mengecewakan hati kita, maka percayalah Allah akan menggantikan kekecewaan itu dengan sesuatu yang tidak dijangka.” I believe in that.
I’m trying to be a better person and the first thing I would like to do is ask for your forgiveness from anyone I ever did wrong. Please, forgive me?
Till then. Selamat memburu malam Lailatul Qadar! :)