Hmm have no idea how to start this. Dear readers, pernah tak u guys rasa heartbroken sampai at this point u guys dah taktau nak describe that feelings? Im going thru this situation right now. Yes, heartbroken this time memang the worst heartbroken ever in my entire life. I've been lied to, cheated on, betrayed, left hanging, waiting for nothing yada yada yada for 2 YEARS and June 2012 semua pon berakhir FOR REAL. Whew! Mesti semorang wondering sebab for the time being, I told that I've no one kan? yerp, We've been on and off sepanjang 2 tahun ni and that's why I cant accept anyone. Hmm... Sepanjang dua tahun, macam macam benda yang jadi. Tapi, sebab love is blind *vomit* I pon jadi orang buta jugak. Bodohnye. Semua yang jadi I buat buat tak nampak bcs I tot he's the one. My real true love sebab no matter how we argue ke apa, at the end, we will always find a way back to each other. Lelaki memang pandai kan? And apa yang buat I yakin that he's the one is, I did solat Istikharah. I need signs. And all I see is him. So yeah. Tapi, June 2012 so much truth came out. Allah tu maha kuasa kan? :) I confused, I tak percaya dengan apa yang jadi. Sakit gegila nak terima realiti. Tapi tu lah realiti. Rasa macam tak percaya je dengan apa yang jadi. As I type this, my tears falling. Tapi I promise to myself that this is the last time I cry because of him. Allah tak akan uji hambaNYA kalau dia tak mampu. Sekarang Dia bagi hujan, nanti ada lah pelangi. Allah maha menyayangi. But I still wondering up till now, why he did this to me. Kejam.
I went crazy lepas I tau everything. Cry cry cry cry. Yknow that feeling kan? Kita sayang orang tu, kita tunggu dia everyday tapi last sekali? I got nothing. Sampai lah satu tahap I doakan semoga dia jatuh gaung pastu mati or having plane crashed ke apa pastu mati. Childish! Takpe, Allah tau kerja Dia. Biar Allah balas semuanya. :)
So, I went to ask Ustaz about my Istikharah before and Ustaz told me that, that's probably because, I tak betol betol leave it to Allah. Masa I buat Istikharah tu maybe hati I kuat and yakin I nak dia, Supposedly, I kena tenangkan hati, and make it equal. Jangan lebih lebihkan sesiapa pon. So Ustaz asked me to do it again. And yeah, I started doing Istikharah again hopefully this time I'll get the answer. Aminnnn.
And last but not least, I swear to myself, I'll start EVERYTHING new this July. Kita sedar apa yang jadi tu ada hikmah tapi kita tetap sedih bila fikir semua tu kan? Ada la hikmahnya ni. Cuma belum nampak je lagi. Sepatutnya bersykur dengan takdir Allah. ANIS KUAT!
Alright, enough with such emo things which barely reflects my mood. Im happy that today is the second half of the year. Yay! Lepasni I'll keep myself busy with my dancing class (just to polish my dancing skills and get my 56 kilos back!), jadi nurse Aina dekat HUKM next week till discharge from hospital *semoga operation semua selamat. Aminnn*, fasting, raya and start new semester and all with a new me. I mean without tunggu anyone dah. Mesti lain rasa lepasni. Kalau sebelum ni setiap masa check handphone, tunggu his text, call. Lepasni dah takda. :)
So before I stop, semoga awak bahagia dengan dia yang awak pilih. Semoga dia menjadi yang terbaik dan yang terakhir buat awak. Sorry for every wrongdoing. Good luck with your new life.
Dear readers, thanks fr reading my blog! Lepasni kalau jumpa kat memana say HYE pls! ;) Looking forward for tonight Euro final! GLI AZZURI! FORZA ITALIA! VINCI PER NOI MAGICA ITALIA!
Love all! *hugs and kisses*
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